Unbreakable Hope Read online

  Copyright

  ISBN 1-58660-925-4

  Copyright © 2003 by Kristin Billerbeck. All rights reserved. Except for use in any review, the reproduction or utilization of this work in whole or in part in any form by any electronic, mechanical, or other means, now known or hereafter invented, is forbidden without the permission of the publisher, Truly Yours PO Box 719, Uhrichsville, Ohio 44683.

  Our mission is to publish and distribute inspirational products offering exceptional value and biblical encouragement to the masses.

  All scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.

  All of the characters and events in this book are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or to actual events is purely coincidental.

  One

  “May I present to you for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. Mike Kingston.” The preacher’s voice boomed and Emily Jensen winced. Kingston. She had practiced the name Emily Kingston in her journal many times, but that name now belonged to Grace. To Grace, Mike, and Josh Kingston. They were a family now.

  Emily’s heart clenched. Not for the loss of Mike, for that hurt had been shallow and over with months ago, but for the loss of her dreams. Again. It felt as though every time she reached for marriage and a family, the balloon of hope got more distant, the string floated farther away. Disappointment shimmied through her frame. The piteous glances of the other wedding guests bored through her. One more wedding where Emily wasn’t the bride. What is wrong with that poor girl? Their eyes told her what they were thinking, and she felt her body slink down further into the pew.

  “I’m so sorry, Dear.” Mrs. Purcell rubbed Emily’s shoulder as if they faced an open casket rather than a stunning bride and groom.

  “What’s to be sorry about, Mrs. Purcell? Aren’t Grace and Mike the happiest couple you’ve seen in ages? And look at little Josh. A stonecutter couldn’t wipe the smile from his face.”

  “I know, but, Dear, it could have been you.”

  Tears threatened to spill once again, but Emily swallowed them whole. It wasn’t about Mike. Anyone could see from the way he watched Grace that there was no substitute for that kind of love. Emily coveted it, and yet it slipped through her hands like mercury again and again. She didn’t want to be a man’s second best, but would she ever be someone’s first? The hope of such dreams was quickly fading with each birthday and failed relationship. It wasn’t that she’d ever loved a man so thoroughly that her heart was broken in two; it was that no one had ever loved her either. Not in the way that causes long-term emotion. She discreetly wiped her eyes.

  Emily held the withered hands that reached out to her. “Mrs. Purcell, I’m very busy with teaching. My class and my Sunday school kids need me. God called some to remain single, and I guess I’m one of them. Like Paul, I will be content in all situations.” Her tone was strong—so much so she could almost believe herself. The truth was she’d never imagined being a parent to twenty schoolchildren without having one of her own. A husband to come home to and a child who looked up with wide eyes and called her Mommy, not Miss Jensen. She was angry at herself for not being content with the life God had blessed her with.

  “That’s the spirit, my dear. Those children love you, and you’re a wonderful teacher.” After a supplicating pat, Mrs. Purcell went to darken someone else’s door with her words of doom. Emily breathed relief. The first test had been passed and no tears shed. So maybe a few had pooled, but not one had fallen. Indeed, now she felt a bit stronger.

  She made her way toward the back of the church where Mike and Grace stood with Josh, a testimony to the glow a real family presented. Grace’s dress flowed elegantly to the floor, a spray of white silk. Blonde tendrils hung in ringlets from a high-swept updo, and Grace’s long, lean neck moved like that of a princess. That kind of beauty was rare, for Grace’s beauty went beyond the exterior.

  Emily moved toward them. “Grace, you are the most beautiful bride I’ve ever seen. Mike, you are one very lucky man.”

  Mike, in full fireman’s dress uniform, kissed her cheek. “Thank you, Emily. I’m so glad you came today. It wouldn’t have been the same without you here.”

  Josh, Grace’s son, looked up and nodded. “You’re still my favorite teacher even though I’m in second grade.”

  Emily winked. “Let’s keep that our little secret, okay? I’ll see you at the reception. You were a very good ring bearer. The best I’ve seen, in fact.”

  Emily hiked her shoulders back and walked resolutely toward the church event hall.

  Test two completed. No tears shed.

  The short walk across the open courtyard to the reception filled Emily with more confidence. Churchgoers and Mike’s fellow firemen milled about, waiting for the reception line and photographs to be completed. Twinkling lights and floral sprays gave the old church hall a fresh feel, a romantic buzz. Emily could barely believe the old church hall was capable of such beauty. As she made her way toward the punch table, a handsome stranger handed her a glass.

  “Thirsty?” he asked.

  She felt her stomach tumble at the question. For a moment, she heard only silence as she stared into his eyes—eyes that accepted her into a world deemed off-limits. What she was feeling was akin to waking up in Wonderland. She felt like she had known this stranger her entire life, yet her mother would never let this kind of man near her.

  Emily nodded and took the cup of red liquid.

  “Do I know you?” she asked, feeling inept the moment the words escaped.

  “You do now. Darin Black.” The stranger’s eyes were remarkable. Although they were a nondescript gray-green, the intensity that flared within them made them absolutely mesmerizing. His eyes extended some unmistakable compassion within him. She felt a sudden peace, completely forgetting she was at the wedding of an ex-boyfriend.

  Darin’s head was shaved bald, but from his eyebrows and stubble upon his head, Emily could see a natural light red shade. She felt her own eyes widen at the unexpected sight of an earring. Never in all her days had she known a man to wear an earring. She studied it a bit too long, and he commented.

  “The earring?”

  She choked back her punch. “Was I that obvious?” Emily looked around at all the well-dressed firemen and regular churchgoers then back to the stranger. His suit was just a gray tweed sports coat over navy slacks, but the earring threw the whole look off for Emily. She pondered the statement the jewelry made before answering. Perhaps it should have mattered that he wore the earring, but it didn’t. It only made her more curious about whom he was. Why he was at Mike’s wedding, and whether he knew her sordid tale. Realizing her long silence, she blurted, “I’ve never met a man with an earring before.” She was tempted to ask if he was a gang member but quickly thought better of the idea. Emily Post would not have approved.

  “Never met a man with an earring? What a sheltered life you’ve led.” His smile was captivating. So much so she almost forgot about the jewelry. But then her eyes were drawn back to the simple silver stud. There was something pirate-like about it. Something attractive that she didn’t want to admit to liking. It was too strange. Her mother certainly wouldn’t approve. Maybe that explained Emily’s fascination, but there was something in his eyes. It wasn’t a feeling she recognized, but something familiar to her all the same.

  She cleared her throat; it was probably best to avoid the subject of the earring. “How do you know the bride and groom?”

  “Mike pulled me out of a gutter one night.”

  “I beg your pardon?”

  “I had a spor
ts car in my wilder days. Let me stress the word had. I crashed it against a tree. Mike was the attending fireman who pulled me out of the mangled steel. Been my good friend ever since.”

  Emily was subconsciously retreating from the shadow this man cast under the twinkling aura of tea lights. Fear wasn’t what she felt; it was an intense curiosity, and that’s what scared her. She’d never met anyone like him, much less in the church hall. Dangerous. He felt dangerous, so why did she want to know more? And why did she feel a security standing beside him?

  “Mike led me to the Lord in the hospital, after I saw my life flash before my eyes and God called me from my stupidity.” The corner of his mouth lifted, and he was obviously waiting for some semblance of a response.

  “The Lord can do mighty things.” Emily closed her eyes at her easy statement to his incredible testimony. What a hack she was.

  “Amen.”

  “I grew up in the church.” She supposed that probably needed no explanation. The floral dress with the lace collar and sheer lip gloss probably gave her away. She looked like she grew up in the church, and suddenly she felt herself fingering her collar wishing she’d bought something more stylish for the wedding. Would it have killed her to buy a new outfit? Certainly not anything leather, but a trendy outfit from a store—maybe even nice slacks.

  “What a blessing for you to grow up in the church. You should thank God for that every day.” His enthusiasm wasn’t forced, and he was shaking his head at the thought. “I’m so excited that my kids will be able to start better than I did. I can hardly wait to do family devotionals and teach them everything I can about the Lord. Not just the simple stories, mind you, like the flood or Jonah, but all of it. I want them to crave the Word.”

  She blinked rapidly, hoping he hadn’t noticed how attractive she found him. He had kids. Children were just a ticket to Emily’s heart; unfortunately for her, wives usually went with them.

  “How many kids do you have?” She held her breath at his answer.

  “Me?” He laughed. “I don’t have any kids. I’m not married.”

  A spring rain of relief washed over Emily, but she couldn’t have said why. This man reminded her of someone who was brave enough to preach on the street. To walk into a homeless shelter and feel perfectly comfortable. God had a man for her. A man carefully groomed in the church. The man her father prayed for every day during her childhood. And certainly that man didn’t wear an earring or crash sports cars. Emily felt her breath leave her. Would that man make her heart pound like this one did?

  “Well, I’m sure your family will be very fortunate when God brings children to you.”

  “Thank you.”

  Emily scanned the room for someone she knew, looking for an escape route. The best way to avoid temptation was to stay away from it. Even Mrs. Purcell would be a welcome reprieve. This man, handsome in a movie star way, unnerved her. He was too good-looking for his own good. Too intense for hers. His bold pronouncements of faith were something akin to a weekend revival in the South. Nothing like her reserved, quiet faith that lived its life out in consistency.

  “It was very nice to meet you. Maybe I’ll see you around church sometime.”

  “We haven’t actually met,” his outstretched hand extended toward her. “I’ve told you my name is Darin Black, but I haven’t heard yours.”

  “Emily Jensen.”

  “The Emily Jensen?”

  She swallowed hard. “What do you mean by that?” As if she didn’t know.

  “You’re the one Mike used to see. Before he met Grace. You helped bring Grace around, right?”

  Where was a plastic fern when she needed one? Emily wished she could crawl under the table and disappear. She’d passed the first two tests, but this one proved impossible. Tears began to sting her eyes. She blinked them away as fast as she could.

  “You know, I’m thinking maybe I’ve outstayed my welcome here. I need to get my lesson plans ready for Monday, and Mike and Grace have plenty of guests to celebrate with them.” Emily moved quickly for the door, but she could feel Darin Black behind her, even hear his steps. She quickened her pace but felt her hand grasped. She whirled around, tears now apparent upon her cheeks. “Please, Mr. Black. I’m sure you’ll understand if I just want to go home. I’m very pleased for Grace and Mike, but the church knows our story and you can imagine this is uncomfortable for me. Being the ‘other woman’ at a church wedding is hardly a good feeling.”

  His eyes met hers, and she lost all sight of the earring. There was only this gorgeous man peering down at her with compassion and concern. “Emily, you were never the other woman. I didn’t mean it that way. Only that Mike raves about you because you helped Grace to find the Lord when he hadn’t treated you as well. I’m an idiot. Forgive me.”

  She just shook her head. Words wouldn’t come. Mike remembers me for my words to Grace? She wanted to shout, but she couldn’t get past the lump in her throat for fear she’d start blubbering.

  “Would you like to have dinner with me tonight? I’m not trying to hit on you, I just don’t want to leave you with this bad impression, and I know this is a difficult night. This is going to sound very strange, but I feel like I know you. I want to know you better.”

  No, she said via gesture. “Home.”

  “Please, let’s go get some dinner together. We can have church potluck anytime. Mrs. Purcell’s chicken will still be rubbery,” he laughed. “Here, wait. . .Pastor,” and he pulled unwitting Pastor Fredericks toward them. “Tell Emily I’m a good guy. That I’m safe to be with and that I won’t stick her with the bill.”

  Pastor Fredericks smiled at them both, and Emily swallowed the guilt she felt. No, I’m not swallowing up another man with my black widow ways, Pastor Fredericks. I promise.

  “You’re in good hands, Emily. Darin is an upstanding gentleman with a big heart for the Lord,” he said. “Go enjoy your Friday evening. The excitement is over here. Mike and Grace are leaving tonight for Carmel, so they’ll have to get a move-on.” He checked his watch. “They only have the weekend and then they’re back to work and school for Josh. You two have a lot in common.”

  Emily looked up at the shaved head, the steely gray-green eyes, and of course the earring. What she could have in common with such a man remained a mystery to her. But she trusted her pastor, and Darin did offer her an escape from the reception, where the deaconesses of the church had staged a pity party for her. They were coming toward her in a gaggle.

  Pastor continued. “Emily, why don’t you take him to that soup house you’re always frequenting. Every time I go in there you’re sitting there with a book. They’re open late and Darin can probably afford that.” He winked at Darin.

  She almost kissed him. So he could have left off the part about eating there alone with her book, but other than that, she wasn’t ready for this night to end. She wasn’t ready to ignore this connection she felt with a complete stranger. She’d feel safe at the soup house. The owners knew her and loved her. They started her order before she sat down. The Vietnamese soup house would be a perfect place to have a friendly dinner with this different kind of man. Her stomach was flipping, and she hoped she could find the control to eat.

  “That’s a wonderful idea, Pastor. It’s up the street from here on Castro. Do you know the place?” she asked Darin.

  “Sure,” he nodded. “I’ll meet you there so you don’t have to drive with a stranger. Is that all right with you?”

  His thoughtfulness nettled her, and she nodded in agreement. But her comfort gave way to trepidation in her car. What on earth was she doing? Meeting a strange man for dinner with Pastor’s approval. It was so out of character for her, and yet so exciting. What would her mother say? For the moment, she didn’t care. The fluttering she felt in her stomach was new.

  ❧

  In the brightly lit restaurant, Darin studied Emily Jensen, her chocolate-brown eyes rimmed in red. Her exterior was so simple in her plain dress, but Darin could see the depth w
ithin her soul. She may wear an easy churchgoing façade, but Darin believed he saw an explosive spark within, that glimmer of light that wanted to come out and dance before the Lord, but didn’t know how—an untapped missionary’s heart. He knew what she probably thought of him, but that didn’t stop him from wanting to know her. She felt the immediate communion between them too, or she wouldn’t have been so tongue-tied.

  “That was a nice wedding, don’t you think?” Darin asked.

  Emily nodded.

  “So I hear you’re a teacher.”

  Emily nodded again. “Yes, I taught Grace’s son Josh last year.”

  “Do you like teaching?” Come on, Emily, help me out here. Darin tapped his foot, hoping to end this sudden uneasiness between them. No longer were they in the safety of their congregation. Now they were officially on a date, and Emily looked everywhere about the restaurant but at him.

  “I love teaching the children. I teach on Sundays as well. I have the second- and third-graders.”

  Emily still wouldn’t look at him when she spoke, and his heart hurt at the reminder that he wasn’t the type such an innocent would marry. She probably imagined he dated Camaro-driving, stiletto-heeled women. He winced at the thought of his former life. Emily’s beauty went beyond her lovely dark hair and espresso eyes, and into her innocent expression of love for the Lord. Darin wanted the chance to prove his past life was over, and he wanted to be worthy of such a pure woman. Would someone like Emily Jensen ever look his way?

  He cleared his throat. “Since you’re working in Sunday school maybe I’ll see you. I just started work with the junior high ministry. I’ve been bringing some kids from the inner city. I work with them on Wednesdays, playing pickup basketball and then having a Bible study in a garage.”

  “I’ve never been to the inner city. What’s it like?”

  “I thought you grew up here.”

  “I did.” Emily blinked, clearly not understanding his point.

  “You grew up within a couple miles of East Palo Alto, and you’ve never been there?”