Unbreakable Hope Page 3

  He smiled. “I don’t believe it for a second. What could haunt the zealous Miss Emily Jensen?”

  She forced her eyes away to the baseball game that blared from a mounted TV set. A hit cracked on the television, and cheers from the restaurant patrons drowned out her answer. “What indeed.”

  Three

  Darin stared at Emily’s apartment for a long time after dropping her off. They’d switched cars back at the church parking lot, but he had insisted on seeing her safely home. He wished he’d stayed in the classroom to help her with the boys. She loved children, that was obvious, and he certainly hadn’t meant to overwhelm her with the boys. Her background must have been so free of troubles growing up with a strong Christian family. It wasn’t like his, where he’d seen some terrible things on the street. Emily had been protected her whole life, and he just couldn’t imagine what warranted her fears that she was an inadequate teacher. He scratched the back of his head and finally pulled away in his car.

  His parents were expecting him for early supper, but he didn’t feel up to it. Ever since he’d become a Christian, life with his parents had become strained. Darin wanted them in heaven with him, but his parents saw it as another crazy fad. Just like his sports cars and brief college stint. Darin sighed. It was up to God and beyond his own control, but that didn’t mean he’d stop telling them about Jesus. The name of Jesus was harsher than the word God in his parents’ home. The holiness of it evoked strong responses.

  As he pulled into their driveway, his stomach lurched. In front of the house sat Angel’s flashy red convertible. His old girlfriend. A woman who knew how to pull his strings. Any man’s strings, in fact. He thought about running. Didn’t God say to flee dangerous situations? But how would that prove to his parents that he was different now? His mother obviously thought Angel could rescue him from what she called his “religious phase.”

  He took a minute to bathe himself in prayer before he approached the front door. Before his hand touched the knob, the door swung open and Angel Mallory stood at the threshold. All five-feet-eight of her. He was surprised that her image didn’t cause the usual response in him. What he felt now was more akin to disgust than lust.

  She wore a too-tight T-shirt and form-fitting jeans that were cut low. Too low for decency’s sake. Her smile was welcoming, inviting and purposeful. Darin gulped.

  “Angel,” he said as calmly as possible.

  “That’s all you have to say to me?” She put a hand to her hip then came toward him and wrapped him in a hug. He remained stiff and pulled away quickly.

  “Nice to see you again.” Darin walked right past her and kissed his mother on the cheek. “Hi, Mom. You didn’t tell me you were having company.”

  “Honey, did you say hello to Angel properly?”

  “I did.” Darin flashed her an impromptu smile. “I hugged her.” Actually, Angel had hugged him, but he wasn’t splitting hairs now.

  “Hey, Darin.” His dad lifted a bottled beer toward him. “You want one? Giants are playing.”

  “How about a root beer instead?” A soda and baseball. That, he could handle. Not to mention that the game provided the necessary escape route.

  He left Angel to help his mother without any semblance of guilt. She had invited Angel; she could entertain the woman. Darin had tried to speak with Angel about the changes in his life. He’d tried to get her to go to church, but she’d only laughed at him and called him weak, relying on religion to do his thinking for him. The sting still hurt. He was stronger now than he’d ever been.

  Angel had paraded various men in front of him, to let him know she was still attractive. A man would have to be blind not to notice Angel’s outer beauty, but Darin failed to see anything beautiful within her now. She was like a train wreck waiting to happen. He still prayed for her every day, asking for forgiveness if he’d done anything to initiate her fall. They’d only dated for two short months, but God started speaking to him in that time, and as God’s light became more apparent, Angel’s darkness became ever bleaker.

  “The game’s boring,” his dad said.

  “Baseball’s always a little slow, Dad.”

  “You wouldn’t think so if you didn’t try all those extreme sports. Bungee jumping,” his father said, shaking his head. “If man was meant to jump from a bridge, we would have been made with rubber feet. Or should I say heads.”

  Darin laughed. “Don’t worry, Dad, my bungee jumping days are through. I’m moving to EPA now, and I don’t want to set a bad example for the kids.”

  Ray Black clicked off the television set. “You are what?”

  “I’m going to move with the ministry team there, Dad. I’m going to live in a house with some guys to work with the kids. I’ll still be doing the landscaping during the day.”

  “Are you nuts? Those kids are someone else’s problem, not yours. Sometimes I think you were born with rocks for brains.” He kept shaking his head, his disapproval more than obvious. “Where did we go wrong with you? What did we do to make you think you have to live like a martyr? So you didn’t get through college, that ain’t no crime. I’ve done just fine without college. Got me a nice house, big-screen TV, a camper for long weekends. Why don’t you set a goal instead of trying to save the world?”

  “Dad, this has nothing to do with education. As a matter of fact, one of my new roommates graduated from Stanford, and the other has his master’s degree from Princeton. This is about me doing what God is asking me to do.”

  The comment only set his father off. “If God is talking to you now, I’d rather have you bungee jumping than listening to voices!”

  “Dinner’s ready!” his mother called.

  Darin sat on the sofa for a moment and was surprised where his thoughts went. Not to the kids, not to his new home, but to Emily. He saw her face and longed for her comfort and understanding in this situation. Could Emily deal with a man like him? Accept him with all his mistakes and wrong turns? When she’d stayed on the straight and narrow path, and Darin had done everything but follow the right road?

  Angel stood in the doorway, her belly peeking out between her jeans and short tee. He wanted to ask her if that was supposed to be attractive, but he snapped his mouth shut. It was better if she thought he hadn’t noticed.

  “Let’s eat,” his father said.

  Everyone gathered around the table, and Darin silently offered up a word of thanks and asked for help in getting through the uncomfortable meal. His father was now livid, his mother thought him incredibly rude to Angel, and Angel herself sat waiting for him to say something.

  His mother took the opportunity to pass the green beans and elbow him in the process. “Talk to her.”

  “So your mom tells me you’re still in that cult of Jesus freaks.” Angel stifled a giggle.

  Darin looked down at his plate, focusing on the mountain of mashed potatoes. He bit back a sarcastic comment and stuffed potatoes in his mouth instead. It wouldn’t do him any good to attack. It would only reflect badly on him and his faith.

  “Angel is trying out for the Raiderettes!” his mother announced brightly. Could she truly want a professional cheerleader for a daughter-in-law? The whole subject mystified him. What did his mother see in Angel that kept their friendship going long after Darin knew there was no point to a relationship? The only thing he and Angel had had in common was the club scene and their red sports cars. Now they had nothing in common. Nothing but this dinner table anyway.

  It was hard to see Angel as a person without seeing her as a symbol of all he had left behind. It wasn’t that he felt above her, it was that he feared falling backwards into the life that had him by the throat for so long. Angel was like a beautiful casket, inviting him for a visit without escape. He actually shivered thinking about it.

  “The Raiderettes, huh? A lot of my boys from the neighborhood are big fans of the Raiders. You’ll have to let me know how it goes. Maybe I could bring the boys to a game.”

  “Maybe next week you could
go watch the tryouts, Darin.” His mother nodded her head briskly. “Angel is in the finals, so you won’t have to watch all those amateurs.”

  “I’m kinda seeing someone, Mom. I don’t think she’d appreciate me watching a bunch of professional cheerleaders.” Jesus wouldn’t appreciate me watching a bunch of half-dressed aerobics instructors. He looked at Angel. “No offense, of course. That’s exciting news. I’m very proud of you.”

  The look on Angel’s face was one of outrage. Darin wished he could take back his words, which she probably heard as judgmental and harsh. Her narrowed eyes made her motives painfully obvious. Angel didn’t want him. She wanted him to want her. When his interest faltered, her desperation for his attention grew. Why else would she be sitting here over roast beef and mashed potatoes making small talk about professional cheerleading?

  “Seeing someone?” Color drained from his mother’s face. She lifted her plate from the table, throwing the silverware with a clang. She started to clear the dishes from the table, though no one was finished eating. “You never told me you were seeing someone.”

  “I just started seeing her, Mom. It’s nothing serious yet. She’s—” He started to say not like the other girls he’d dated but quickly refrained. “She’s very special to me, and I just think it’s something I want to follow through on.”

  “What does she do?” Angel smirked. “She’s a model I bet.” Her eyes mere slits, Darin felt like a trapped rat in a gutter. Nothing about his relationship with Emily could be considered truly “seeing her” except what Darin felt in his heart. To explain that would have made his parents question his sanity even more.

  “She teaches first grade.”

  Angel cackled out loud and his mom joined her.

  “You are dating a teacher? You, who never listened to a teacher in your life?”

  “We’re seeing each other, Mom. I don’t know if we’re at the dating stage yet.” But I want to be.

  His mother sat beside him and cupped his hand in hers. “I don’t want you to be hurt. Does she know you’re a college dropout? Is this one of those church girls? You know, church girls generally marry church boys.”

  Darin nodded.

  “Oh, Honey.” She looked at his dad. “Talk to him, Ray. Won’t you?”

  “He’s never listened to me either, Mabel.”

  Angel stood. “I’d better go. I’ve got an aerobics class to teach.” She shot Darin a lethal glance and exited quickly. His parents both sat back in their chairs, crossing their arms.

  “Did you have to hurt her feelings like that?” his mother said.

  “I wasn’t trying to hurt her feelings, but I am seeing someone. You’re the one who invited her here.”

  “Because I thought my son knew his manners. Honestly! Talking about another woman in Angel’s presence. There will come a day when you regret that move. None of these church girls know who you really are, Darin Black. Angel loves the real Darin, just like we do.”

  Darin’s thoughts drifted to Emily Jensen. Who was he kidding to think he was worthy of a woman like her? Angel’s forced smile reminded him of all he’d been. And though Christ had washed away his sins, had He taken away the consequences that made him unworthy of Emily? He couldn’t help but wonder.

  ❧

  Emily cleaned her apartment until she thought the paint would erode under the pressure. The work made her forget what a fool she’d been earlier in the day to thumb her nose at a nice breakfast with Darin. It certainly beat all the meals she ate alone, yet in her own judgmental way she’d probably sent him a clear message. She ripped off the plastic glove and rubbed her forehead. She felt like she was back in high school. Darin Black was the popular kid, and she was still the gawky teen who didn’t know what to say or how to dress. Being cool eluded her. Apparently, it was a lifetime legacy.

  Why did she care if Darin thought she was crazy? He was a college dropout. He worked with his hands, she kept telling herself, trying to add disdain to the voice. But his heart. There was something so beckoning about a man who would minister in the ghetto, a man who would give up his own life to tell others about Jesus. Her Sunday school teaching felt pale in comparison. And then there was the small matter of what his appearance did to her heart.

  She made herself an artichoke and plopped a big helping of mayonnaise beside it. Grabbing a bottled iced tea from the refrigerator, she settled down in front of the television. She killed a few channels before realizing she’d have to get something decent to watch. Placing a romantic video in the player, she settled back in when the phone rang.

  “Hello,” Emily answered.

  “Emily, it’s Darin.”

  Her stomach twisted and she put the plate on the coffee table, as if he could see her eating an artichoke. Somehow the vegetable didn’t feel very feminine, and she was instantly embarrassed. All her mother’s prodding came back to her. “Don’t let a man see you eat.” She laughed at the Scarlett O’Hara advice, but, sadly, some of it stuck, and the artichoke seemed like eating barbecue at Twelve Oaks.

  “Hi, Darin.” She wanted to ask how his afternoon went, what his parents had to say, what he had for dinner, but she clamped her mouth shut for fear she’d babble.

  “Have you eaten yet?” he asked.

  Emily swallowed, looking at the half-decimated artichoke. “Yes, I have.”

  “How about dessert? Are you up for that? It’s only six-thirty.”

  She looked at her watch. Indeed it was only six-thirty, so why did it seem like such an eternity since she’d seen Darin?

  “Dessert would be great.” She vowed she wouldn’t mess things up this time, as she had at breakfast.

  “I’ll pick you up in ten minutes.”

  Emily threw her plate in the kitchen sink and rushed to her bedroom to find something to wear. She shunned all the floral dresses that seemed to announce her lifetime in the church and found a pair of jeans and a baggy red T-shirt. Looking at her reflection, she felt disappointed. The jeans hung on her, as if she feared getting something that actually fit her, and the T-shirt covered her too-big jeans, making her look like a red potato with legs.

  “I’m afraid this is as wild as it gets,” she said to the mirror. “Scarlett, I’m not.”

  She put on her pearl earrings. Darin wore a cross in his ear. She giggled. She was dating a man with an earring. Take that, Mom. We could share earrings. Well, earring.

  Emily knew exactly what her mother would say, and she didn’t want to hear it. She already heard echoes of it in her mind. Fireman Mike had been so upstanding, a local hero who was handsome and a longtime believer. He was everything Nancy Jensen expected. Everything she’d wanted in a son-in-law. But there was no spark between Emily and Mike. She’d wanted there to be. It would have pleased her mother and helped both women to forget their tumultuous relationship.

  God’s will and true love proved stronger than Emily’s desire to please everyone else. Mike had never made her heart thunder like this dangerous stranger. She wondered if this were her way of silently rebelling. If her brother could see her now. The thought brought a smile to her face.

  “You’d love him, Kyle!” Emily looked toward the ceiling. “Just because Mom wouldn’t.”

  Her doorbell rang, and Emily sprinted for the kitchen, rinsing her dish and disposing of the artichoke before answering the door. She sucked in a deep breath and opened the door. Then she forgot to breathe. Darin’s sage green eyes smiled, and she could feel her stomach flipping.

  “Hi,” he winked.

  “Hi.”

  “Is it too soon to see me again?”

  Never, she thought. “No, I actually missed you. I wanted to apologize for my strange behavior this morning. I’m not usually so strange, but I had a trying morning. It seems to me you haven’t seen my best side as yet.”

  Darin bit his lip and looked straight at her. The directness of his gaze almost knocked her over. “Then I’m not sure I could handle your best side. Because I like all the sides I’ve seen.”
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  Emily thought about asking him in but wondered what he would think of her country decor. Did it make her look too simple? She closed the door behind her. Darin didn’t need to see any more of her floral ways. “Where shall we go?”

  “How about a coffeehouse downtown? I know a great one.”

  “I’d love that. How was your mom’s house? Did you have a nice dinner?”

  Darin snorted. “It was weird. Thanks for asking. Things aren’t the same since I became a Christian. They don’t talk to me the same. Maybe that’s my fault, but it still makes dinner different.” He shrugged. “I don’t know. My mom and dad keep hoping I’ll come back around. I think they’d rather have me driving sports cars and living the life I used to. At least they understood that. I was a rebel and they accepted that. But this,” he held open his palms. “They don’t understand this at all.”

  Emily surprised herself, but she took Darin’s hand. “I’m sorry. I know what it’s like to be different from your parents.”

  He grasped her hand back. “Do you mind if we walk to the coffee shop?”

  “Not at all.” More time with him, Emily thought.

  “East Palo Alto is the only place I fit in. The church doesn’t know what to make of me, my parents would just as soon disown my religious ways, and my old friends have nothing in common with me. Becoming a Christian can be a lonely place.”

  “Christians shouldn’t judge,” Emily said.

  “Yeah, but what would your parents think of me?”

  Emily looked away, unwilling to answer the question. She knew exactly what her parents would think of him. She was glad they’d retired out of town. She’d only have so long before a gossiping goose at church told her mother what she was up to. She could hear the whispers now: I hate to be the one to tell you, but Emily is dating a boy with an earring. He’s not the kind you’d approve of, Nancy. I think you might want to plan a visit. Her parents would probably move back without a second glance.

  She held Darin’s hand a bit tighter. “Maybe being a missionary will change people’s mind. Do you have to wear the earring?” It was a fair question.